Hello there blogosphere
I have been intending on writing in here for some time now. Unfortunately, my intentions and my actions conflict at times, It must be the procrastinator in me. It’s been hot lately, really hot. Sure its summer and all but our average weather this summer has been 76 degrees, so needless to say waking up to a 94 degree heat wave is miserable and shocking lol if the weather forecast is to believed, we are in for a nice week starting Monday (Crossing fingers). I will no longer complain about the chill in the air just give me back that 76 degrees!
I have this airbed that I bought; I had a camping one once that was around 8 inches thick and as uncomfortable as sleeping on the ground. I only used it once because my cat (RIP) used it to sharpen his nails on the second day of its existence lol I always intended on stuffing it back in the box and returning it as defected but I never got around to it. Hey for all I know it could have been defective, I mean had I used it more often it may have sprung a leak lol Anyway.. I bought a new one mainly because of the reviews and my mattress was giving me a backache. This new airbed is at least two feet off the ground, which is a very nice surprise but best of all its pretty damn comfortable. But that’s not why I mentioned it. I mentioned it because my daughter wants it.. I made the mistake of letting her sleep on it when I should have dumped her butt on the couch bed lol I guess it’s interesting to a kid, kind of like an indoors camping trip.
I haven’t seen “my son” in at least a month; he stopped by while I was gone the other day… I was miserable the entire day because I missed him. I feel him slipping away from me. As bad as it may sound, I try not to think of him at all because I know I won’t be able to see him much. For all I know he doesn’t even want to be around me anymore, I wonder if his asshole dad filled his head with lies about me. I always think that if I had a chance to choose my siblings I would have chose differently lol oh well, what can I do but hope that when he is old enough to visit me on his own, he will. I guess the hard part is always having my daughter around; they were always together so it doesn’t seem right. In a way a part of me is missing and it sucks. Wow, how thoughts of missing that kid can bring me down. I feel like I could either cry or fall into depression.
Ok subject change…… I want to go back to school; I want to finish what I started. I don’t know about physically going back (back pain, family obligations) but I do want to take an online class or two. And I also want to take some writing courses. I really believe that the brain requires a constant balance between logic and artistic thinking. I need to be challenged mentally and I think a writing course will benefit me. Even though my curriculum has always revolved around math, it’s the writer in me that has helped me find perspective. I always wanted to be a psychologist but I knew that I couldn’t leave the job at work. I knew deep down that I would be haunted by the problems people would share with me. I remember asking my psychology professor how he copes with what he hears; he said most if not all psychologists have a psychologist they talk to. I think that convinced me to stick with math. I would love to help people but I couldn’t stand to hear about some of the horrific things these people go through, it would turn me into a basket case.
I feel like there is so much to do yet so little time. I wish there was a way for me to stop procrastinating. I have papers to sort and math books to review before the fall semester. I want to organize my mom’s genealogy papers that she was working on. She found the ships her grandparents came over on and she reunited a cousin with the family she hadn’t seen in over 20 years. I guess I feel like I am wasting time. If I calculate my death by my parent’s lifespan, the average age of my death will be 59 years old. Twenty years is not a long time but one can do a lot in twenty years. I guess I don’t want to go without doing something worthwhile. Maybe I need to get my head out of my ass and just do it.. Like Nike, just do it damnit. I sure wouldn’t want my tombstone to read: shoulda, coulda, woulda but ran out of time lol
Time waits for no one, especially me.
